Sticking it in the wrong place

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Red and Yellow

That's right, I'm red and yellow!

With a title like that you probably think that I dyed my hair red and have yellow skin... But quite the contrary.

I am severely sunburnt and ultra blonde!

Yesterday I went tanning for 2 hours using Banana Boat's NO-SPF-STRICTLY-FOR-PROS tanning oil, and now, Mike said I look like Zoidberg!

That's a lobster from Futurama btw.

I am so red that yesterday, when I went to White sands for dinner, an auntie from a shop commented, in Chinese, "You go sun tanning ah??!"

In a goddamn loud voice.

Trying to be cool and celebrity-like, I merely muttered a grunt and nodded ever so slightly.

She eyeballed me and said "Aiyoh, why tan until like THAT." Then made tsk tsk noises. As if people are not already staring at me!

Hello auntie it is none of your business how lao niang wishes to tan ok! It's my body and I burn it if I want to!

Not that I really want to lah, but I'm just saying!

Anyway the flaming yellow hair and red skin combines to create a really comical effect. I took a picture but I can't be bothered to upload it, so you'd have to wait around for a bit.

Aha! See, I do care about my blog! I tried to make you come back, see!

Anyway back to me being lazy - at least I've got an excuse now. My eyes are all swollen and will not do proper photoshop! AHAHAAHA!

ZOMG!!!!!!!!!

I totally forgot about this and I HAVE to blog it!

I am having the most wondrous
I TOLD YOU SO moment, EVER!

Ever ever!

Lalala I TOLD YA SO I TOLD YA SO!

A filipino reader of mine sent me this:

Nicole now confesses that she
doesn't know if she was raped.


And this:


Nicole received money from Smith and now moved to US
(Where, I presume, she can get all the white cocks she wants).

See? I told you all a trillion years ago that she wasn't raped, didn't I? DIDN'T I?

Now what suckers!?


Read my view ages ago 1

Read my view ages ago 2


613 comments on my blog entry... I presume about 600 are playing the 'nice guy' and harping on how cruel and racist I am.

Again... What now, suckers? Gonna apologize to me and the nice US marine who went to jail for two long years wrongfully???

You know what makes me du lan? I wrote that entry just about before Girls Out Loud was screened. Haters rang up Mediacorp to complain about me after the airing, and one of their complains was that Mediacorp should not be hiring, or endorsing, someone as racist (insert your bad word of choice here) as me.

And this is one of the reasons why Girls Out Loud didn't have a season 2.

WTF right? Turns out I didn't write any wrong at all, did I?

Lil slut... 2 years ago she was so sure she was raped, and said she wanted the death sentence for Smith (From wiki. Go check it if you don't believe me). Can you imagine if she got her wish and he is now dead??

Now suddenly not sure if she was raped!

NABEH NOT SURE DON'T ANYHOW SAY HOR GO AND RUIN PEOPLE'S LIFE!


WTFFFF! Who is going to give back a son to Smith's poor long-suffering mom if he died!?!

She is now appleased coz she got 100,000 pesos from Smith.

I told you already lor... Must be stupid Smith refused to pay her after sex that's why she so du lan go and sue him. Tsk tsk! Whore. Whores have sex with men easily after getting themselves pissed drunk right? Some whores demand money afterwards. Sounds like her.

If I am Smith I will sue her and sue everyone else involved to make sure they pay for their bloody mistake. Nabeh kena jailed for nothing.

Fuck you Nicole. Bloody ruined a little part of my life as well with your dumb attention-seeking lies.

Blah blah blah I am not accepting comments so go and ahead and write insulting ones. They won't be read or published. Woah I am suddenly all riled up and angry.

UPDATE: I've decided to publish comments afterall since most are pretty positive. HAHAHA!

Fill in title

Bah! I have no inspiration to blog lately, don't know why. During droughts like this I often think that my blogging time is up and I will slowly rot into obscurity, but so far something else always pops up and everything goes fine again.

Anyway, I haven't been blogging because nothing much interesting is happening in my life, and so there is nothing to blog about.

The pictures though, have accumulated to a staggering amount - just like my unfolded laundry. Goddamn it. I have USA pics... V day pics... My secondary class's 10 year reunion pics... And a Gmask advertorial!!

The thought of editing all those makes me wanna puke a little.

Anyway that day I went into Body Shop and bought a bronzer. The cashier told me while passing me my product: "Thanks for saving the earth", or something like that... Could be planet instead of Earth.




I wanted to tell her, "Oh, go fuck herself."


How the fuck did I contribute in any way to saving the earth? If I didn't buy that bronzer, it's not like I would have bought another animal-tested (oh wait that's not earth-saving), nuclear-powered bronzer or anything.

I would in fact have not bought any other bronzer at all coz I already have so many. (I liked their brush design)

And excuse me, are Body Shop's factories free of pollution completely? Do they not use plastic on their products? Full of crap man.

All these tree huggers acting all self-righteous piss me off.

All that happened after I bought a product from them was not that I saved the Earth - it was that I gave their company an inflated price for a bronzer.

So, Body Shop should have in fact told me, "Thanks madam, for yet another product bought from our conglomerate."

Why can't stores by more honest?


Gah. I don't care if Body Shop does all that environmental acts they do - just don't involve me in it can? I only buy your products because they smell so nice.

Oh by the way Pumpkin is really into eating her own poop recently.

Once I saw her do it, and I didn't really believe my eyes, so I did the stupidest thing ever: I went to smell her mouth.

You cannot imagine the stench... Although admittedly it is better than the maggoty fragance from my old rotten fridge lah... But still.

WTF MAN. Why is she so gross?

I keep checking on her every 5 minutes after she eats (usually poops after that) but she is so lightning fast man... Poop gone...

I bought some Coprophagia deterrent nonsense (30 bucks ok!!), but that pill really stinks, and yet doesn't seem to improve a thing.

Well... Self-cleaning dog.

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New videos

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE



Plucking out all 4 of my wisdom teeth at once!!


CHICK VS DICK



The sex challenge! You've got to watch it: Paul wears a skirt!

UPDATE: OK apparently I was told I saved the Earth because I didn't want a plastic bag. So paiseh... Sorry for maligning you Body Shop!!!

It's my turn!!

I'm the new featured blogger of Nuffnang this month!

You can read my article here.

And also, just a note for all Australian bloggers (you don't have to be of Australian nationality - as long as you stay there), Nuffnang has now opened a new branch in Aussieland!

So go sign up now if you haven't - and get your share of moolah!

I want!!

Just saw this in the news (dunno if it's old news lah, but anyway...).

I WANT IT AS MY NEW PET!!

Pink bottlenose dolphin... Not the fake pink kind with blotchy grey spots mind you... A chio shade of pink!

The other one looks so ugly in comparison


Come swim to mummy!!

Is it cute or what! Mother nature should make more things this shade of pink! Not the PIG kinda beigey pink... Eww... This kinda pink!


But alas for me, this dolphin is one of its kind... That's right, only one in the world!

And Paris Hilton is probably already on her way to capturing it. That, and that my condo's maintenance probably won't be too happy with me keeping my pet dolphin in the swimming pool...

What? Why should it bother anyone? It's chio and the kids will love it lor...

Geez! What are you lazy scientists doing! It's time to breed more albino peacocks (chioest ever man... Malfoy residence got, hahaha) and real pink dolphins!! Give the nuclear research and cloning a rest man!

Grey dolphins... Pah!



Source: Geekologie. Hope you guys don't mind the hotlinking for the pics...

Happy

I won a 13 yao today!! With an yi wan from kind Timmy...

In other news, Mike was nice enough to bring my entire (pink) cpu to a computer shop for repairs, and they dianoigsed that the RAM is ruined. Fuck you cb ram! This is what I think of your mother!! (shouts incoherent vulgar words)

So now, I'm reinstalling all my programs once again. I hope this time round it doesn't break down, or Imma throw a hissy fit!!!

Roarrrrrr!

Updates soon. I got loads to blog about.

I know I should be blogging...

But I'm just so lazy!!

Anyway I'm still photoshopping the trillions of photos I have uploaded, so soon I'll update!

Meanwhile, here's someone who doesn't need photoshopping...

Pumpkin! Who now has hair long enough to be tied up into a top knot! Tying top knots are not only pretty, but actually good for the dogs, as the hair falling into their eyes often irritate them.

Juicy couture ribbon!

And one more of me in the cab going to meet Ringo...



Love ya all!

p/s: Ok you people need to stop harping on the flash thing. I've googled it, and there is no concrete proof that a camera's flash will hurt a dog's eyes anymore than it would hurt a human's.